inpromtuous.

If Only

2012-02-14T02:34:00.002+11:00

There is this woman, that if the hand of time, chance, and circumstances allow, I surely will let myself fall into the calamity of her beauty. To merely win her heart everyday. I will vow myself for her to be the spouse, best-friend, wife, the mother of my children, and queen. To this one woman I will swear love. If only God allows.If only she knows.

2012-02-10T03:02:00.000+11:00

"I think were just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that..." -MARGOT TENENBAUM

"..NOT!"

Learning The Words

2012-01-28T21:16:00.001+11:00

re•ve•rie |ˈrevərē|

noun

a state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream:

ORIGIN early 17th cent.: from obsolete French resverie, from Old French reverie ‘rejoicing, revelry,’ from rever ‘be delirious,’ of unknown ultimate origin.

"In all my reveries I thought I felt us there."

We. Men.

2012-01-27T16:52:00.000+11:00

Tell me why it is so common for a man to think he holds all the Aces and possess all the time in the world but then, before they know it, all his options vanquished into thin air. Left with pretty much nothing, only late regret lingers around; condemning that he did not seize the opportunity he once ever had.

Is this love?

2012-01-22T21:19:00.003+11:00

I want to love you.

I want to love and treat you right.

Somehow I'd like to know whom am I going to burst the above lines onto. Who is going to be the one?

Nearly There, Am I Not?

2012-01-18T21:14:00.000+11:00

EXPECTATION

REALITY

massive thanks to Ms. VZA for letting me reblog her Tumblr. Please do visit her amazing tumblr • http://viezaw.tumblr.com/

a man's crave

2012-01-06T23:16:00.001+11:00

It might be very strange for a man to miss something like dwelling in closeness of a companionship. He might be an adult, he might have had a good job, he might be a young bread-winner, but he is lone and gone without a person to share his life with. A man knows he is not self-sufficient. He is in need and he is searching through. He wants an infatuation not, but only something that gently stay; someone that stick around through sick or safe. Someone to become the wife of his youth; the woman he walks with until the last breath.

2011-12-25T23:43:00.000+11:00

end of year may become the start of things.

Small Stuff

2011-12-21T20:57:00.000+11:00

An ice-cream date. Yeah, an ice-cream date would probably one of the things I want this summer.

It is very vague in my memory at this point, the feeling or the exhilaration of asking a girl out; and of course, with her saying 'Yes'.

Out for some coffee or just a 10am Saturday brunch. Having a chit-chat, talking about some stupid stuff and have a loud good laugh.

I do miss taking someone special for a fine dinner. Dressing up in my best attire, wondering how would she look like. What colour of dress would she wear, which pair of heels, or any outfit that she would like so I can compliment. I miss sitting on the living room couch, waiting.

But after all, I don't really care what the occasion is. As long as I can stare deep into those eyes, we eat, we talk, the music and I got swayed away in her atmosphere.

Down The City Streets

2011-11-29T22:02:00.001+11:00

Perspectivo

2011-11-27T21:48:00.001+11:00

Perspective and priorities.

It is indeed hard to believe only after (337) Days, I am steering out of the way. Just the time to shake it off. I have to quit. I have to see and treat you as I would treat any other women. I have to see you as no-one more special than any other.

With all respect that I have for you, I might have lust after your presence instead. I wanted you too much for that sense as if I would feel better about my love life. To be able to say "The search is complete".

That is my perspective. I need to live God's perspective.

In my perspective, you might have become something that I would like to achieve rather than someone to love.

I want to love wholeheartedly, a kind of love that is beyond the skin, not just an infatuation.

And now that I have begged myself, struggled, and came up with a decision. I am shifting all my priorities back in place, looking to grasp this season of my adolescent years. This means I will need to deafen myself from emotion screaming, "I have to have you now".

The truth is I know that I am scared to leave this feeling of being attracted to your youthful-self. Worried that if I neglect myself-liking-you, I would miss out on you and I altogether. And at the same time I am also scared that if we somehow made it there because of all these wrong feelings, you and I would miss the purpose that we both are made for.

I am telling you in all honesty I have this gap in my heart. And I found out that in God alone I will be content. And you; you are one of the dominant colors in my life.

Announcement!

2011-11-20T14:12:00.001+11:00

It is official. All citybloke/ has found is a new home in

www.citibloke.blogspot.com

Enjoy folks!

citybloke/ Burgundygan, Sydney

2011-11-14T23:54:00.001+11:00

Sydney was pretty windy last Saturday and this young lady pulled just enough cuteness on the knitwear to warm the afternoon a bit.

Re:location

2011-11-14T22:03:00.001+11:00

It has been totally a roller-coaster weekend. The Citybloke project has kicked-off with tons of excitement and adventures. It made me realise that I need to come up with a bigger plan; a relocation plan for this dude.

Citybloke may be integrated with my long-existing blog, Avinelife but excitingly I'd like to announce that he will be living his own home soon. I am still down sketching how is it going to be but I'll keep the updates published so we'll know where are we at.

In the mean time, I will be posting though Avinelife. En-to-the-joy.

Graze.

citybloke/ The Strand, Sydney

2011-11-13T21:41:00.001+11:00

citybloke/ George St, Sydney

2011-11-13T00:07:00.001+11:00

This would be the first post on street fashion. I have always been mesmerised by the work of the inspirational Scott Schuman, the Sartorialist. If only I would see him down the streets of Sydney.

citybloke

2011-11-09T21:46:00.002+11:00

I really hope this post will mark my return as a photo-blogger. All fingers crossed.

Post Ter-absurd

2011-11-03T22:26:00.002+11:00

Bingung sih, nga pake boong mesti mikir apa. Mesti ngerasa apa, ato bilang apa. Seakan-akan blog post yg berminggu-minggu lalu itu balik lagi mau ngehantuin gw. Gw bilang nga mau dengerin omongan orang tentang tulisan tulisan absurd yg bisa gw tulis di blog ini. Tapi toh, kenyataannya gw malah jadi super hati-hati tiap kali mau nulis. Yang ada malah nga jadi nulis ato tulisan berakhir tragis di draft, nungguin di delete.

Kaya habis post ini, gw bakal menciptakan suasana awkward yg nga kalah sama yg pernah gw bikin sebelumnya. Gw ini cuman lelaki yg selalu harus mengutarakan perasaannya koq, nga ribet. Bukan cowo yg suka lirik2 cewe cakep; ato cowo yg bisa suka dan gantungin beberapa perempuan dalam satu waktu. Gw bukan lelaki kaya gtu. Keep it nice and simple; Chris Kristian - cowo yang susah suka sama orang, susah lupain orang, dan kaga expressive sama orang-orang yg nga deket sama dia. Kesimpulannya, kalo seorang Chris is dah sampe suka, dan sampe kuarin jurus-jurus expresi dirinya, lo tau kan seberapa pentingnya tuh orang?

Gw dah siap terima treatment apa aja sih dari orang-orang yg nyempetin dirinya baca post ini. Mau respon negative maupun positive, this is the fact of a Chris Kristian.

Hal yang paling gw sukai di dunia ini itu ternyata adalah semangatin orang dengan cara yang aneh-aneh (Silakan tanya Wanda Rovina kalo nga percaya). Dan biasanya hal-hal yang gw hargai di dunia ini membuat gw berubah significant. Dari cicu jadi berani. Dari datar jadi bergelombang. Dan kalo misalnya gw disuruh stop semangatin orang yg gw encourage, itu gw lemes banget sih. Dari tegap bisa jadi rebahan, asli. Dan orang yang persistent kaya batu seperti gw ini pun bisa hampir mau nyerah rasanya.

Tapi tetep nga nyerah koq. Biarpun nga keliatan ini ke arah mana dan kaya apa jadinya.

Chris Kristian, cowo yg suka denger John Mayer dan Michael Franks - jarang nyanyi ke perempuan dan jujur apa adanya. Dan buat istri gw in the future yg skarang lagi baca ulang blog post ini, I assure you, I'm still the same guy right? without pretend? (:

23

2011-10-24T21:49:00.000+11:00

When you are an 18 year-old boy, having a girlfriend you could brag about to your mates is probably one of the things that you want.

Going for a date, spending some afternoon holding hands, share an ice-cream, driving her home, etcetera.

But when you are 23, everything changes. It is now about the good times now, but also the hard times either today or tomorrow.

When you are 23, you rationed your heart-feeling for more realistic thought. Faith comes into play and guts to walk a step.

Now and starting now, you need to thing not only for your interest, but hers also.

2011-10-19T21:25:00.001+11:00

how am I suppose to calm this raging sea?

2011-10-16T19:17:00.000+11:00

When you get to know someone, all their physical characteristic start to disappear. You begin to dwell with their energy, recognise the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with beauty or looks. You can lust after it, infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes or body, but not your heart. That's why when you really connect with a person, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

I told Ms. Wiguno, I just have-must-got to reblog this.

THIS IS THE LIFE

2011-10-16T18:51:00.000+11:00

a home

a passion

a moment

Learning the Words

2011-09-26T22:22:00.001+10:00

There's always a room for a new word

dis•po•si•tion |ˌdispəˈzi sh ən|

noun

1 a person's inherent qualities of mind and character : a sweet-natured girl of a placid disposition.

• [often with infinitive ] an inclination or tendency : the cattle showed a decided disposition to run | the judge's disposition to clemency.

ORIGIN late Middle English : via Old French from Latin dispositio(n-), from disponere ‘arrange’ (see dispose ).

A word that I need to make as my favourite for this weekend surely.

2011-09-22T18:19:00.001+10:00

O I wish I was somewhere else tonight. Somewhere else.

a vine life

2011-09-21T19:46:00.000+10:00

After one-hundred-and-fifty-nine blog posts, this would be the first time I felt like my freedom; in writing out my ideas, opinion, or even personal feelings has been compromised. I totally understand that this blog is for the enjoyment of the reader. However, this blog also a decent medium for me crying my heart-out and I will keep it that way.

My writings allow confusion. Often, these aligned words would lead into misinterpretation. Carelessness in phrases is the normality here. And I don't really see why I should alter my ways in writing or what I should be writing.

A Vine Life is written by a pretty expressive twenty-year old. This blog has never been created to address public opinion. This is the most honest way in reiterating one's personal contemplation in a form of literature. An imperfect literature. This blog is a distinction. One diverted opinion of a man.

What I have written is my self-believed truth. And if you ever have the chance to meet me in person, I assure you that it will be the same truth that you will find in me.

I will tell no lie.

Thing

2011-09-13T20:24:00.001+10:00

"The right thing at the wrong time; is the wrong thing."

2011-09-12T21:58:00.002+10:00

Sungguh.

Ingin ku ambil telepon genggam.

Ingin ku utarakan semua opiniku.

Pendapatku yang subjektif.

Nasehatku yang kurang relevan.

Aku punya keyakinan akan talentamu.

Ingin kuberi tahu semua kepadamu.

Sekarang.

Aku ingin.

The Early-twenties

2011-09-11T21:32:00.001+10:00

The Early-twenties is a start of a lifetime; where routines are the built of every each day; excitement is one of the thing to party about.

In the Early-twenties - dream and dream alone would not be sufficient. Question marks after question marks. Thoughts and contemplation on these contingency, things we dared to dream in our childhood, are they going to materialise? Turning it into reality?

The truth is that we don't always get what we want.

Some dreamers are adamant. Solid, they hold onto their almost-impossible dreams. And by the time they have become The Early-twenties, these dreams have started to come true. But some are just 'ice-cube' dreamers; without their knowing, slowly and carefully melted away by the cruel fact of reality, they converge into realists. These who daren't dream. These who perceive that hope is just a make-believe.

The Early-twenties - gazing their sight unto the wealth of their forefathers. Wishing to relive their success stories, scratch out their silly misjudgements. O these Early-twenties. They have tasted the age of renaissance belonged to their parents. Now they want more. Now they want to earn it themselves. We want to get rich quickly; we want to vend our success. Like pressing a button and there you go. Our ambition tend to drive us. Our careless youth haste the decisions for us. O Early-twenties, let no regret haunt your thirties or forties.

And yet The Early-twenties are the most lively young adults to ever live. Possessing the time, the knowledge, the inexperienced bravery. They are the most capable to break the most impossible. Breaming with idealism and thriving in a stubborn faith; the world will see this generation, The Early-twenties rise up and conquer the world.

The Early-twenties; start with a dream; run on with courage; and finish it with a selfless pride.

Man Of Purpose

2011-09-03T00:00:00.000+10:00

I personally think that I am selfish. Even when I pray, I would seek and propose whatever wants that I may have then demand for them to be fulfilled. Off course, in a very Christian way. "God bless my family, promote my job, let me tummy be full all the time with the nicest cuisine, send me the best girlfriend but I am sure that my pick is already the best, God make rich, etc da di da di da.."

Then one day I had enough. I went into my normal Melancholia and thought what the hell have I been doing to God. I have been using my God, whom I told everybody is my devotion, to serve me at my disposal. Not the other way around. O Chris you have gone too far.

God has made me to be more than myself. To live bigger than my body (this is what John Mayer said). To be great and not less.

I have been thinking of this one girl that I like. Let's call her Ms Boo. And I have suggesting and bargaining with God to somehow make her 'The One'. Well, I don't know if she is 'The One' or not but at least I have been trying (hard) to learn her. But then my prayer has become too self-centred. I wanted her for myself and nothing else.

For the last couple of weeks I have been praying even more. I try to shake-off my lazy bum and establish more communication in spirit. Then I came to a decision to fast and pray. I want to find my calling; the true calling not only discovering what God wants me to do but also what He wants me to be great at. I am made for that so I might as well live up to that purpose.

Every person should live up to their tailor-made purpose.

It is weird that now my prayer is much more diversified and shifted away from my needs into bigger things. I can see it is good. Sleeping into Day No.6 of my fasting period, I have discovered that I can live better than how I used to be.

Ms Boo is still a big prayer topic in this period, but not the biggest. Instead of praying will she ever be mine or how is she going to be mine, God has successfully shifted my desire into how I can make myself to be a good help for her and to achieve her calling. Help her to strife and dig out all her awesome artsy potential. Although I won't deny that I still hope that our calling would be the same at the end.

I think God is forging me hard this time. He wants to whisper me his plans for me, tell me the sweetest thing. Sing me new songs. And I know for certain that He can use me as he wishes. I won't mind.

2011-08-29T22:59:00.001+10:00

I am as persistent as the water streams to the sea from higher grounds. Unstoppable. The kind of person who will always find and look at circumstances through some positive lights.

etc.

2011-08-28T22:51:00.001+10:00

the heart situation

I Swear, She is Artsy

2011-08-22T23:09:00.004+10:00

I don't think any man would understand. I came and start looking; searching for the only thing that I have been looking forward to for the last two weeks. I have always had a belief in her that her talent is God-given. I know she would do great. She will be great.

Then all of the sudden I was in a front of a golden display. There, half a dozen of photos hanging, stitched to the wall. I could see a large sized book full of description and steps. And there was this dress; this beautiful golden dress that I have seen before in the pictures.

I threw a glance to the left, this huge painting-sketch of a heart hanging. I could not describe it. Such an intense sketching with perfect detail. It was trying to tell me a story. Then I saw this two familiar words "Human-trafficking". I could almost hear my heart racing.

The shades of grey, the dash of brown outline. The almost perfect black rectangular borders. A cardiovascular beauty trying to scream out it's story of how human take advantage and abuse other human. Never in my life any painting or picture or any artwork could captured me that way. I was partially deaf and being consumed into it's own realm.

She is a natural artist. God-given talent and she is a hard worker too. And the best of all she is artsy in every way.

Her work stunned me this evening. I was lost for words, really don't know what to say. She is beyond a true definition of depth.

Maria

2011-08-21T21:50:00.000+10:00

The tune to sooth the soul & spirit.

I Hope (:

2011-08-21T21:47:00.000+10:00

I hope you're not afraid or think of me strange.

I am just practising that love acts more than speaking.

No rush. No pressure. I am just practising. Love.

Five Women: #4 - The Stay

2011-08-13T22:57:00.001+10:00

All I could boldly remember is just sitting next to you, driving with my heart racing and was so happy. It was just a day after my birthday. It was a Sunday. You were wearing this satin white dress, beautiful just as expected you would be. The first time ever to take a young lady out for her prom. Nothing could stop us that evening. Not even that I was not invited. The 12th of June. I was 17 ,you were the prettiest girl in my life, I was the luckiest boy on earth.

It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that we are a whole lot different people. I am such a plain romantic, a little bit cheesy one. There you are a very capable individual, a very systematic women which I could see you are growing towards greatness in building you career and dreams. I am dreamer. I believed and I was so sure that I would help you build your dream and you would do the same for mine too. We coped with our imperfections and we were fit for each other. It was comfortable.

I have fallen from infatuation into acceptance then into a world of make-believe. I remember I promised you that I would put our long-distance relationship into an end by letting myself flying home back to you for good one day. That one day in a very honest manner, I could not be sure of. I thought it was within my control. apparently is is not. I could see that you were getting exhausted. But I kept on convincing myself "She is fine.". Selfish I was.

Throughout the years, we were growing apart. I kept on denying. I am sure we make compromises with our heart each and every day. We learned to live without each other's physical companion better and better. I figured out that you were so hard in expressing your thoughts and feelings towards me and it seemed like you just bury them inside. We avoided problems and serious conversations. We barely fought and I personally think it was destroying our relationship rather than preserving us. I kept on convincing myself that we were 'OK'. We were not OK.

Somewhat I understand our catch. We came from two different worlds and towards our relationship, we still belonged to those worlds. But that was exactly what that made our relationship so strong at its time. We learned to understand each other and gave our best to hold the fragile relationship together. You were by far the second woman who understood me really well. I am sure you would be fine and be able to achieve things without me but you chose to involve me instead. The feeling of being loved and needed by you is the greatest feeling of all and sometimes I miss that feeling. Trust me, you were not perfect but you made a fantastic companion. You were such an awesome helper.

Shame on whats written for us. The promise that I did make for you, I would not be able to honour them. We ran out of time. I ran out of my time.

Our relationship was too impossible to start, but we started it. Two years spell of long-distanced relationship was too impossible to hold, but we held on each other for four years. I had nothing but your love had shown me that you believed in me until the very end. That was the reason you have stayed, hey? You believed in me. And through this person, you, I know that this self can do all things through Christ and nothing is too hard or too impossible.

I want to thank you. You changed my life for the better.

Bits and Pieces of The Employment

2011-08-09T21:42:00.002+10:00

what do you care about a job title?

No Plan-B Required

2011-08-08T21:20:00.002+10:00

Some men are afraid they would end up this way, setting carefully their every move when chasing a woman.

The fact that this might happen, I have never prepared for plan B. I fell in love and fell only for one.

Although my expectation may differ to the reality, I guess that is just fine.

There's no necessity on growing hopes to women that you think you 'might-have-feelings' for; afraid to the fact that you might get a 'NO' to the one that your heart is sure of.

for now.

2011-08-02T22:36:00.001+10:00

The state of solitude. Sitting, longing, and waiting. Not moving even for an inch. Only a straight look forward to what is coming up next. Just to be sure I am ready.

I am slightly out of tune. I don't want romance. I want a certainty. An answer to be proud of.

I don't know really what I am supposed to do. I am waiting anxiously. I don't know you at all. I may not need to for now. I just need to understand you. Understand this whole situation.

Prioritising your priorities is far more important. Do what you have to do now and be great in it. That is what I want. Then after, we'll see what are we going to become. Which direction are we going to walk to.

This is For Someone Who I Want to Know So Well

2011-07-23T00:01:00.003+10:00

I realise, I don't know you at all though I want to.

This maze I'm trying to solve.

This code I'm trying to decipher.

This person called-

-You.

The 'Not-Done' Lines

2011-07-18T21:43:00.005+10:00

Good on you.

I am not a giving-up-easily kind.

Good on you.

I am a fighter.

Good on you.

I love waiting. I would love to wait.

Definition of Christopher Kristian

2011-07-13T21:14:00.002+10:00

Someone who does not know me may think I am an INTROVERT; tend to be quite and discreet about my life. Those do know me well know that I am in all honesty is the other way around. I have to spill it all out. My thoughts, my feeling, everything.

I love spending time in my own melancholia. I suppose that is a space, a world where I can dig myself in to deep and bring out new ideas, introspection, and reflection over my way of living. Some people disagrees. They would say something like, "You are too melancholic. That's unsuitable for a man. A man whom destined to lead.".

Leading does not belong only to the choleric.

Even before those people claimed to correct by un-macho temperament, I have been appointed to lead in the past. Even before the thought of correcting the way I am crossed their mind, they have been proven WRONG. I live as myself. Not less nor more.

My point is that other human being will try and try to correct you, change you, despise your ways, gossip about you, hate you, mock you, swear at you, embarrass you, hassle you, harass you. But never, NEVER, ever let them steal you from yourself.

Trying to please everybody is like swimming across the Atlantic. So much effort, only one point to prove, and the only result will only be an unnecessary death. It is unnecessary, so you don't need to do it.

Just like how I tell myself again and again, the way I am is not defined by how much money I earn or have. Not by my career, not by public opinion, not by mutual consensus, not by the world. My life is silver-lined by those whom I hold dear. My foundation is God, my way of life is Jesus, and my drive is to love them more in such ways.

2011-07-11T22:34:00.003+10:00

I drew a line when I was 15.

Just today, I crossed it on purpose.

Chronologie.

2011-07-11T19:21:00.011+10:00

today. Monday. 11-07-11

wake up. peanut-butter toast. shower. lunchie. navy cardi. 310. Single Origin Roasters. European accented waiter. mocha. four paragraphs written. quick stroll. twirl. $50. QVB. Scottish Emily. signed up for charity. greeting card. 412. Prince Alfred. sunlit waiting lounge. Agnes' mum. eye clinic waiting room. Agnes. a chat turned two chats. "Captain Jack Sparrow". get well soon. back to waiting lounge. 4pm. lobby. Honda Civic. Parramatta Rd. Camperdown. Timmy, Sisi, Audrie, Leny. Town Hall. "Can I help you with any denim?". Polaroid. a stroll. M20. home.

2011-07-09T00:00:00.002+10:00

"If you have a girl-best-friend, you know the feeling of being a dad. You share giggles with her only to find yourself losing her to another man and be happy for her."

we/miss/us.

2011-07-03T23:09:00.008+10:00

There are these four persons whom I call closest-friends. They consist of two blokes, two chicks and with myself we are good friends. Our friendship is just the strangest thing. Our friendship is an elastic rubber ban that gets pulled from five different directions. In times we were stretched as far as it can be but there are times when we got so close we're always together, almost inseparable.

We currently live in five different worlds, different jobs, different friends. Our friendship ban is currently out-stretched. However, my belief is that we are still the very same persons in heart. I know deep in our little souls, we are waiting, keen to see this rubber ban to loose up and be close to each other again.

stan/kori/edwin/listi.

we/miss/us.

Back to an Honest Path

2011-07-03T22:03:00.001+10:00

I was slapped on my thoughts hard. It was well deserved for letting myself having double takes when writing my blog posts. After a conversation with Ms. Bowen last week, I have decided that this blog has to be an HONEST place. My feelings, my thoughts being discovered and well-shared.

Chris K Fact #4

2011-06-18T11:02:00.002+10:00

I have never serenaded a woman right in front of her.

Five Women: #3

2011-06-11T16:02:00.001+10:00

We had never been on the same page after all. It was just me succumbing to my persistent self; to blind to admit that we will never be. I will be never be with this woman.

I am glad that I could not see her as the prettiest girl in high school. I saw her different. I liked her so much for this charm in her, not just mere physical attraction. She was distinct in many ways compared to the other 14 year-olds. We were best friends and I was love-struck.

But she is just a woman. She is just human after all and she has the same chances as anybody else to misread other's feelings. Then she overlooked mine.

The next time I blinked and she was with somebody else. She has a boyfriend. Boyfriends turned into boyfriends. She broke up with him. She got back together. Here came another guy. It kept on going on and on and on and on. All I left with was her stories and a dash of hope that MAYBE, just maybe, I would be the next person to be with her.

For more than two years I lived on that hope. I ran into a conclusion that perhaps I would just love without having her to love me back. Such a naive thought, it did hurt me most of the times. It felt like being out in a sunny 6 degrees Celsius windy winter day. It was cool and nice; but at the same time your face hurts as cold gust slashing through your cheek.

Nevertheless I learned to accept. This priceless lesson I am taking with me through all my life that to love is to stick around despite of circumstances. Despite of intolerable characters. Despite of unacceptable treatment and false responses. I am certain I have moved on and I don't regret that I loved wholeheartedly. And only to thank God, I took that same heart of mine and strived to the next relationship.

She helped me learn: to love better.

I am no perfect man. I was scared and confused too. But It takes some guts to love like that. And out of all people, this woman, the 'Not-the-One' helped me discover it.

Go Forget Your Plans

2011-06-11T13:03:00.001+10:00

Rewinding twenty-three years ago, I would on the very edge of getting out of my mum's body to inhale the air for the first time. It would be ten more hours to go until the debut opening for my little pair of eyes.

Today is another repetitive reminder of that day. I had a couple of small plans in mind. I had my 5 Km run this morning. I had my favourite coffee in my favourite coffee shop. I am currently wearing my favourite jumper and jeans combined. Not to forget favourite undies. And a list of favourite things that I wanted to do after lunch.

I had this brief conversation with Ms. Tei, trying to scrap some suggestive response for more options of fun stuff to do. She told that she has always 'share' his birthday with the unfortunate. I felt so selfish reflecting my plans to that sentence.

I have been given twenty-three short years of life with the contingency of how many more years do I have. Having that thought on time, I don't think I have the time to be selfish. I must do something today. I must make someone's life better. I must turn a frown into a smile, at least.

Just as the title of this post, I am brushing my plans aside. I am going to have lunch at home and make my way downtown Sydney. Today I will rely on fate to bring me people whose life I could make better and I'll start on from there.

If you are reading this, it might be your life that I make better today.

Happy birthday 23 years-old Christopher F Kristian. This post is a gift for you.

2011-06-07T21:43:00.001+10:00

Give me a space of thought. Like a Saturday would be a space of thought. I imagine a Saturday will always be a clear blue sky with sunshine peeking through the fig leaves. The air has to be cool enough for a cardigan or at least I get to wear my favourite thin woollen knitwear and I can say "Indeed it is a perfect day for a coffee and a pan au lait."

Come away with me. Take my hand. Let's go to this little corner bakery shop so we both like and have a tea for two. Let's talk about anything, about nonsense. I suppose I want to know even the least important thing you got to say. It doesn't matter, we'll spend time in this mid-summer dream you and me.

My Freedom is Here

2011-06-02T21:43:00.003+10:00

'Financially Free' would be the goal of most human being. This world is built on material paradigm, segregated in social classes, and trapped in the urge of wanting more. To be able to spend all the available funds you could is freedom.

I've told myself "You got to hate this thing called money". Which then I subconsciously do.

I am 22 years-old. I am not financially free, yet. But I am happy and able to appreciate the beauty of living this 'just-enough' life in the simplest way. To be able to say 'thank you' to almost everything. Be able to acknowledge that this is a fight that I have to get into daily. Money is no longer my freedom.

Some of my decisions are bitter in taste, but could be sweet for someone else and the people around me. Sometimes my pride would get hurt. My ego bruised. It is like working and earn money for someone else. Someone else you love and hold dear. I have no regret although my savings would be drawn close to zero. I have made some wheels turn, I thought.

It is a special gift. This gift that I have enables me to give to others without questioning. It is surely a God given gift.

Chris K Fact #3

2011-05-17T20:21:00.000+10:00

I think like men.

I feel like women.

1 : 1 Million

2011-05-14T11:30:00.002+10:00

I have this friend who always tell this nasty joke. So nasty, it would automatically excuse you to throw up. And I often tell him shall he tell this joke to the chick he likes, she would flip seven times. Then he just tell it again and again anyway. That nasty joke.

One time in my 'contemplatuory-sanctuary' (not even sure if the word exist), I thought, for this type of unique being who enjoys telling nasty jokes - there must be a girl whom in a paralel way shares his universe. The 'One' that would laugh on his jokes. Someone who clicks him when the rest of the world rebute his repulsive habit.

I come to a thought that a person's perception of beauty for his/her soulmate would matter more than the world's definition of beauty itself.

The world may think the way you dress is weird. Or how peculiar the way your smile is. How nasty your joke can be. Or how you are too short for theme park rides. ANYTHING. But I am certain, for at least one person in millions, you are beyond interesting.

The Wait

2011-05-02T21:53:00.002+10:00

Crown me 'The Bachelor of Waiting' for waiting has been the like of my life.

I enjoy waiting. It gives me the time I would never had. The time for thoughts and contemplation; and sometimes self-reflection. It gives me the chance to think about what I am waiting for; who I am waiting for; and why even I bother to wait for it.

Waiting is my language to show I care. Even to express my dedication. I wait to literate the way I love.

I have waited in different ways/which I am pretty sure we all do. I have waited along the length of time. Waited across miles of distance. Waited for a change. Waited for a chance. Short wait/Long wait. Waited for a service to arrive. Waited for a good to be delivered. Waited in high hopes. I have waited in desperation. Waited in vain. Also waited in such tremendous eagerness.

The more you grow into an adult, you will be able to distinguish 'The Waits' in your life.

I have found that most of my waits were merely moderate. I just simply had to wait. But I also found that a lot of my waits were not worth the wait at all. It is true that you will always learn something out of waiting. But come to think about it, there could be some significant degree of waste at the end.

Then I discovered waits that are worth my while. Although sometimes I was in tears and sweats along the wait, without any sign oh heart-plummeting to seize, these waits are simply sweet to taste eventually.

I have waited for things that were not worth my effort in the past;which I kept waiting anyway; it is simple to decide that I will wait on those that are worth more than time itself.

And now it is you. I know I will simply wait. I will wait for you.

2011-04-28T21:45:00.002+10:00

Sometimes I wonder,

What is in your heart?

What does it keep and feel.

How to get in it.

If it would complete mine.

I wonder.

0 To 100

2011-04-26T21:31:00.002+10:00

There is a general presumption that if a woman love a man, she will love with the scale of 0 to 100. Inconveniently, men often start from the other end. Comes at the high of noon of 100 which succumb to 0 at the end and turn flat.

It works different for some men, I believe. It works different for me.

I like a woman with the point of 100 at the start just purely out of attraction. But to love that woman, I need time. Time and chances are what I need. Time to know her favourite colour, her hobby, her routinely manner, her everything. And as I learn, love grows out of the discovery of beauty beyond physical attractiveness.

I love from 0 to 100. I want to grow out of my zero through knowing you more everyday.

The Little White Room pt.2

2011-04-25T22:57:00.005+10:00

Then I swung across the room, reaching for the guitar. Suddenly filed with bliss and indescribable gladness, I flung the guitar strapping my back and I started to strum. I could not remember when I learned to play the sweetest A7 chords but I did.

I immediately walked to the white- wooden chair and played there. One song. Two songs. Three songs and then I stopped counting as I play carelessly with joy in the little white room. Then I heard the door knob clicked. Someone's at the door.

This figure was in all white as if HE is cloth in majesty. The world's most beautiful stones seemed to be crushed so fine it became dust that was used to glitter HIS shiny white robe. He wore this golden crown, unbeatably the most precious crown ever existed. In just seconds He was in there. He seemed pleased judging just by HIS gesture.

He told me the little white room belongs to HIM and so as everything in it. The chair, the guitar, the window-sill. Everything except for myself. Then he asked my name which I replied without a second-thought. It was strange that I was the only one that does not belong to HIM. Well you could never own a person, right? That was I thought.

I this little white room something would change.

Cafe Times

2011-04-23T15:23:00.002+10:00

I have been saying this numerous times and still I have the necessity of saying it. Time flies on my like a mad man. And now especially when I got stuck in the merry-go-round of office hours, a constant forty hours of my week are dedicated to work.

I will never have enough of the weekend as the two days do literally skip me weekly. Then it comes Saturday morning, I go to the city spend the whole day at church, go for dinner, and suddenly Sunday crept along and I call it a day. Too quick.

I have not gone to a cafe on my own lately just for a write or even a no-rushing cup of coffee. Or go to a patisserie in Paddington for a short cake and walk all the way to the city. I would love to be dis-hectic-ed, tag somebody along and do these things.

Hopefully in two weeks time I will be able to.

Five Women: #2

2011-04-19T20:09:00.002+10:00

Men should soldier on despite of the obstacles of life. But I am certain that every man had done at least once a thing that they are and will not be proud of. This is a story about one of many regrettable doings of mine. A wrong-doing at the wrong time and the wrong place to the wrong woman.

I used to think that I was the nicest person a young lady could ever meet. I always treat a woman courteously and was a gentleman in every possible occasion. I spelled no profanity and I was not a bad kid in school either. This nice-guy nature had me succumbed into a tendency to flirt. When the time is wrong, in the wrong place and you meet the wrong person, the only way to go is to do WRONG.

This young woman was an old friend from year 7. She moved overseas when we were in year 8. And after 2 years or so, she texted me from out of the blue. At the time I was desperately in love with a girl yet I was let to hang, dead on the water. Trying to be a genuine nice person, I responded this old friend with full attention and she seemed to like it. I like giving out excessive attentions that I did not realise I flirted. And unfortunately, one more time, she responded.

Even being nice has its boundaries.

The next thing I knew/I made her fell in love with me while I was completely in for someone else. She did not know. We called each other's names with other nicknames, as if we were a complete lover. We texted regularly and talked over the phone. In this story I was the Summer Finn. I was the bad guy. And when I realised what was going on, it was too late. I knew a heart is going be broken. I knew it was not going to be mine.

One night on the phone she told me she fond of me. I told her I was in love with someone else. Words turned into stutters that turned the night into tears, negotiation, and silent screams. It was a true horror. I was not a good person after all.

Special attention was made to be given for special certain people. Anything less or more than that will turn into flirt.

I learned to treat women right through the hard way. It cost a young lady's pure heart. That young lady remained to hate me for the rest of my high school time. She had every rights to do so. It was by grace she has forgiven me now and she still calls me a friend. And since then I swore to draw myself a line.

IF I treat a woman beyond that line, then surely she must have been a real special. I was 15 when I broke a girl's heart for the first time.

Me(You) First Time

2011-04-17T22:34:00.003+10:00

It was about 7pm last night. I am almost certain I will not forget it as long as my life spans. It was the very first time I saw you drenched in tears. The very first time.

I can't never stand seeing a woman crying. Especially those who are dear to my heart, It breaks him.

You looked so troubled when you was crying/After the prayer/ After the comforting hug, I could see you in some relief and peace. I swear of the most beautiful tiny smirk of a smile after you cry was just glorious.

Oh I wish I know you more. Know what are you going through. I wish to turn those enveloped tears into smiles.

Commuter's Delight

2011-04-12T19:30:00.005+10:00

It was quarter-to-six, I was standing for my bus to come. As myself and approximately and 30 other Sydney working-class commuters saw the City-Marsfield Express 293 bus approaching, I witness something that I would call 'A Timely Individualism'.

The way 'A Timely Individualism' works is that a person who is normally generous and decent in term of considering other's interest, would turn into a different kind. A kind that apply more egoistic consideration into their decision making. A selfish kind.

It was totally human that most of these 30 working-class commuters applied 'A Timely Individualism' at that time of the day. Physically drained and mentally exhausted, this group went berserk that without realising, started to push and strive into the little bus doorway. On the bus, especially the men, were very reluctant to spare a seat for a lady whom carried more than to bags. They plugged their technologic ear-bud and pretended to close their eyes, avoiding the looks of those poor women that softly asking merely for a seat. Frantic.

I had claimed my victory. This afternoon I was not in the group. I gave up my seat for the lady with many bags and chose to stand instead. 'A Timely Individualism' surely did not apply to me this evening.

2011-04-11T21:41:00.002+10:00

Kau hilangkan semua elegiku.

Bawakan ceriamu.

Five Women: #1

2011-04-10T21:18:00.002+10:00

The sunrise of my life would describe her best. On the first inhalation of breath that I had, she was there to witness and rejoice with me. It was a tiny spot in the broad canvas of mankind and she made it as if it was her victory. It was a summer day marked the 11th of June.

My most vivid memory will always take me to the time that she took me and my brother to this new shopping mall at the time. We hop to play on the tiny rides, shifting from one to another. We had wanted and begged for new toys which she turned down at most times but embraced us with our favourite good-ole-American fast food. Me and Brother Bear would have the gloriously yummy fried chicken with our rice and curly-fries and she favoured the hot waffle, topped with vanilla ice cream and drenched in strawberry topping. We sipped the chilled giant-sized glass of rootbeer, the three of us, every time. I was 9.

12 years have passed since then. She has always treat me the same all these years. More amount of love and care yet the exact same way all along. And I feel sorry for myself that I got annoyed sometimes when she calls everyday. I should not. She has done nothing wrong but showing her superb sense of care.

I had never imagine on how to pay this dear lady back. I will never be able to even with a millions thanks. And despite of the my wrongdoings, she has crowned me with the best, most-priceless privilege of all. To be able to call her "Mum". I am 22 years-old.

Learning The Words

2011-04-10T10:17:00.004+10:00

–noun, the conduct (or misconduct) of taking an extra day-off prior to the intended day-off, making a sick call seamless as to extend a weekend. to make legitimate.

Also, especially British , le·git·i·mise .

Origin:
1840–50; < Latin lēgitim ( us ) ( see legitim) + -ize

Courtesy - G. Noonan

2011-04-05T22:37:00.002+10:00

Mr Buddy mentioned me in one of his tweet:

"What do you call a jazz musician without a girlfriend? Homeless.”

Mate, I surely need to go HOME.

F-act up!

2011-04-03T19:11:00.002+10:00

When I think of my life, I am exceptionally good to make some theoretical essay to describe and tell about it. It like I was granted a Bachelor degree instantly on the day I was born. However to make these theorems into reality, to act on it, now that is a different story.

A small thing as easy as going to the gym (It's not that easy honestly) I have struggled to stay on it constantly. I slacked and missed more sessions than what I meant to attend to. I made the schedule, all set and perfect to be done, yet I did not diligently onto it every week.

Another thing would be ironing-me-shirts. I succumbed into postponing this one important chore for too many weeks. Yes. Your eyes are not playing tricks on you. Weeks. My closet is half empty and my laundry basket seemed to be full most of the time. When I first started working in the office, I have vowed myself to be ironing every Sunday night without fail. Such valiant speech is now covered in dust of Sunday-laziness. As the matter of fact I am carelessly blogging when I am supposed to iron.

I really want to start living my plans. Make words into reality.

I am sure it is the same as the matter of loving. I am such a sweet talker that loving by words comes naturally and easy for me. But that would not matter when I act less than those words I say. I suppose love is something to act on rather than to be cherished with sweet phrases.

In this instance, I know exactly what should I do as the first act. And the person that I should give this to is mum.

2011-04-02T17:52:00.001+11:00

God,

At this stage, I want You alone. You, me, and no one else. Nothing else.

Athazagoraphobia Strikes

2011-04-01T18:09:00.001+11:00

Call me Captain Backfire. The reason being on what that I really eager for my mum to get over, I seemed to have the same thing. I'm afraid that people closest to me moving on.

It is some sort of a paranoia. Now that some of my mates are getting married, my best-friend is now plunged into a new serious relationship, and with me reluctant to quickly move on, I fear I'll be left out. Afraid that we might not be able to hang out like we used to do. It's almost a certainty that we may not be able to.

People change through time. And this time I may need to pick my snickers up and run along.

Long Hello

2011-03-30T22:52:00.002+11:00

Hi,

I am keeping my gaze on you. A gaze from distance as I try to make a move. A single step at a time to get closer to you. And sometimes I wonder, do you notice that? As I try to make contact whenever I got a chance, I am learning you one truth at a time. I ask myself, would you let me know you more? Would you let me in?

Oh maybe I think to much. But John Mayer is right. You are like a maze. I can't seemed to find my way around. Or even just to figure it out. You may look small, but I can see the depth in you. I can see clearly that you are strong. That is a spark that I see in you.

It's really hard for me to list the reasons I like you but I have already started to. And day by day I will list more reason in. I want to be sure as I think you would to. I want to love you from zero to infinity. Not the other way around like most men would do. I want to love you with the most that I have for the least of you are.

So I really hope we are going somewhere. I hope you can show me the right way or tell me the right thing to do. I beg for a difference and segregate me from the thought that I would be like most boys. I hope you will spare me a chance. One single chance to love.

With sincerity,

Chris

If There is Bad, There Will Always be Good

2011-03-30T20:31:00.003+11:00

10 minutes to 6 this morning a pretty strong bang on my room-door. Someone was barging in a hurry. It was Mr Echan. With a small towel wrapping around his waist as the online garment he was wearing, it was quite a sight for someone whom just got lured out of his dream.

Then i realised, he was saying something about the water was not coming out. All taps had gone void of water flowing. I quickly got on my feet and snapped my thick-woollen Country Road sweater along with a tiny Buzz Lightyear flashlight. I rushed out of the house and started to search for the central valve of the house's water system. Failed miserably. We both ended up crashing Ms. Andeliza's place for an early shower.

And that was just a start of the day.

Work treated me harsh right from the time I arrived all the way throughout the day. A relationship manager for our stakeholder team had left me a file to work on yesterday. With out work volume so high, I totally missed that file and went home instead the day before hence in the morning I received a very sarcastic email accusing me of not willing to stay back for an urgent file. And I was like "Dude!! I stay back all the time". Since then I kept on doing errors and stress just kept on pilling up.

Just before 1 pm when I meant to go out lunch, I made a wrong payment which then I had to reverse. A misjudged a file and missing a lot of tiny bits and applications that I had processed were referred back to me for fixing. Then I thought "Nothing could possibly go right". I begged God for mercy, literally.

Sitting alone in my corner-cubical, me, the 'Head of Clever Cookies' got frustrated for the first time it triggered a head-ache. My thought was racing, hoping everything was going to be fine eventually.

Oh yes, my job title is The Head of Clever Cookies and I do loan refinances. I'll show you on my next post.

Then 1 hour right before 5 o'clock I felt this good feeling. My colleague has been really fantastic from the start of the day complying and encouraging me despite of my mistakes and errors. She was like "That's fine Chris, you're learning right? So errors will make you better". I'm really grateful to have her as someone who mentor me through my new role.

It was weird how all the pending documents that I had been chasing up all day long started to come back to me on time. And there was one single worrying file that I needed to obtain today eventually returned to me at 5.59pm, exactly. That was unbeatably-epically right in time. I managed to finalise that refinance.

On my way home in the bus, I contemplated and tried to summarise my whole day. All that I could come out with was it all started in a mess and somehow God made some super tweaking and voila! everything is good again. Surely it was a drama of a beautiful mess.

The only thing I can do is being thankful.

Panic Attack!

2011-03-26T23:41:00.003+11:00

As always, I had planned today. When would I have lunch, what to cross out on my to-do list, as well as how was I going to make a move. I had it perfectly drawn in mind. I flawless game-plan, I thought.

I was naive. I thought - ceteris paribus.

So I meant to come after church, rush right to keep my word, have the photo taken. And I intended to ask her to join me for our photo to be taken. I even dressed for it.

Then my nerve just struck in and I totally lost my cool. Instead of asking her, I asked some other chick instead. It was totally out of plan and random. And I kept on thinking " What are you doing Chris!!??" while the photos were being taken. It was an instant panic attack. Then it was briefly done. I really wish that I actually went back and ask her for a photo, together.

Oh you totally lost my cool off.

2011-03-14T23:39:00.001+11:00

I'll say 'I like you' in a song.

Chris K Fact #1

2011-03-13T12:04:00.001+11:00

My heart seemed to haplessly fall for women of March and September. True story.

The Little White Room pt.1

2011-03-06T22:20:00.004+11:00

I woke up. I woke up and I could see a white-rustic-wooden door with a round golden handle. Then I went in.

I found myself in a square room painted in white with two windows where sunlight breamed in carelessly. It was strange how the room was bright and it was not the sunlight. It was the walls, ceiling and floors that seemed to be so white and pure that they were glowing white. They were the light of the room.

Then I saw a chair. The chair was an old wooden hand-crafted solid, also painted in pale-white like it tried to cover it's age with the newly painted look. And far across the room there was a guitar leaning against the white wall. It was dusty and seemed untouched for years. It's strings was wearing time-caused rust.

I glided across the room passed the chair to immaterialise the distance between my body to the guitar. I am curious how it might sound. I lean myself towards the guitar.

2011-02-28T00:17:00.003+11:00

"I don't need no love at first sight. The more important love is the one that remains when I take my last gaze."

Halfcrazy

2011-02-26T21:53:00.003+11:00

It has been more than 6 years that I consciously tell my self "You are crazy about this chick". And I am absolutely standing on a no-man ground where I just lost myself and I don't know what to do.

This love is like a slap on the face. A quick-non-precautioned slap. You expected it to happen any time sooner or later but you don't know when. Then all of the sudden "Smack!!". I am in love. You just happens to me. I want to learn more about you. Or should I say, you smacked me on the face.

This crush turns me into a boy, again.

Blue Sweater

2011-02-15T22:45:00.002+11:00

February the 14th 2011, I wore a blue sweater. The only blue sweater, my favourite sweater. I got it when I was 19.

In the blue sweater I will meet new people, do different jobs, experience new worlds. In the blue sweater I step forward.

And to the one who gave this blue sweater warmth and life, I want you to dream big dreams. I want you to live bigger than those dreams. I wish you love.

For this sweater has witnessed me through exams, passed hardships, wiped tears and present at joyous times. This blue sweater is home.

The blue sweater represents a fragment of my past. Fragments that built my present. This blue sweater is you and nothing can take that away.

O blue sweater, thank you. You will find better I am sure and you don't even have to try. Thank you a million.

2011-02-15T22:43:00.000+11:00

I THINK I AM MAKING ONE MORE STEP.

2011-02-09T22:32:00.001+11:00

My heart fell. and it was swelled. I've got a crush on you.

I Love Fate And How He Fools My Idealism

2011-02-05T00:27:00.003+11:00

Short-haired girls with freckles are cute and attractive. That is the idealism. My idealism.

But truth be told, the world is not always in a perfect shape and IDEAL. By the chance of luck and twists of fate, I have always been romantically involved with long-haired girls, no freckles, which I found very very amusing to be around with. A straight contradicting fact to the idealism.

True story.

One Way Tickets to Mars

2011-02-01T22:22:00.002+11:00

The last concert that I went to see was back in September 2008. It was a grand Bossa-nova galore titled "The Story of Bossanova". Nothing short of magical it certainly was. It was a shame that I had to enjoy it alone amongst the thousands of mesmerized audiences in the Opera House.

And just as recent as this morning, I went to grab some of Sydney's most wanted tickets. Bruno Mars, the American pop-knight (I guess MJ is still the king and Justin Timberlake hasn't got the throne yet), will be flying to the harbour city in April to do a show. And by that, I had to triple my speed in clicking the mouse in my office to get the tickets. And after some many hundreds of clicking-galore, here I have won myself 2 tickets to the concert. WooHoo!

And yeah Ms. Bowen, you are the lucky partner in crime I have chosen to share the fare with. Here we come Mars.

2011-01-26T21:34:00.000+11:00

NERVOUS.

you just don't know that.

It Is Time

2011-01-18T21:26:00.002+11:00

It is about time for me to stop denying.

She is here.

She is now.

She is close.

She is real.

2011-01-15T23:19:00.001+11:00

You tell me the name of your brother;

And your favourite colour.

I'm learning you.

Adieu Charlie Siau!

2011-01-09T22:46:00.003+11:00

After a whole day typical hot and humid summer weather, I am quiet surprised when the night started to drizzle. But at least I know it coincides with at least a dozen of hearts belonged to Mr. Siau's good friends here in Sydney. It is like a sombre serenade for the departing friend.

It was two nights ago when I realised how I had been taking Mr Siau's-being-around-us for granted. It is true that you will never know what you miss until it is gone. Or at least when it is almost gone. Then the departing date comes, and we all like star-struck. I am. This mate is an important person in my present being apparently and I won't be seeing him around starting tomorrow.

He has always been a superb event organiser, awesome tour leader, and a splendid culinary comrade. But amongst everything else, he has always been the ultimate friend. As for my 4-years time in this city, it is my privilege to be able to have him in my important pivots of my life. Mr Siau has been there in most of my hang-outs. He has been the organiser for our Sydney getaways. Mr Siau is the only person so far of my Sydney friends to have spent a stay over in my home in Jakarta. I introduced him to my very best-friends in Jakarta and the only one to hang out along with my girlfriend at that time. We watched UP! Mr Siau attended my graduation. He knew when I broke up, I was in hard-time looking for a job. And up until now he is here when I got a job. Those important dates and people of mine he has relate to, that just make him so important.

The best is obviously his! And he deserves it for in his new chapter of the book. So long mate! Thanks a million for being the Charlie Siau. I will see you soon. God bless you.

Lidya. Linda. Lucy. Cheryl. Adrienne. etc

2011-01-01T21:54:00.002+11:00

It will be truly awesome if by a chance I know a girl with the name of Lidya, Linda, Lucy, Cheryl, or Adrienne.

They seemed to be chanted in the lyrics of my favourite songs and serenading them would be easy. O how they are the soul of a song.

The Reason Why When I Do The 'Ted Mosby' To a Woman Too Early

2010-12-28T01:12:00.004+11:00

I have always been a lover. A helpless one. And my goal is the aisle, the vow, and the holy kiss. I still dream the same.

Being one of the youngest of all my mates has trapped me into the circling conversation of marriage. Feels weird like. Its like Barney Stinson saying "I am telling the wedding vow and still be awesome". It gave me the chill.

I have always been keeping the thought of a simple marriage. The man works hard. The lady loves her man. The man is a fighter. The lady will always be by his side. But all I have been hearing are something else. It is all about the ring, the extravagant reception, the family-relative perception, and the pride of getting married. And I am scared of these new paradigm of getting married.

Almost a certainty that I would 'Ted Mosby" my woman as soon as it is possible. But if the universal truth of pre-marriage is mostly concentrated on the ring and its 3C-rule (referring to Carat, Colour, and Clarity), how should I do that sincerely. It may sound dreamy and movie like, but I always thought of proposing my future wife with a hope that it would not matter what ring I propose her with. Surely I will get the best ring that I could but the more important she should take away her mind just off the diamond matter. I am presenting me self, my life and the ring is just a symbol. It does not even represent 1/100 trillion of my love leave alone my will to fight for her best and our future small family.

I am just annoyed to the fact that the ring matters so much as the value of itself is too blatantly immaterial compared to other things in a marriage. It could accidentally lost in the sink or flushed in the toilet. But could you flush your husband dear ladies? I guess not.

My point is, in whatever form that your future husband, your spouse going to prepare 'Ted Mosby' and your marriage. Whatever ring, how many carats of gold and diamonds, how much asset and property, they all do not matter compared to himself, the future husband, your dad-of-the-children going to be. He loves you and he want to commit the rest of his life with you, trying and fighting to give you the best luxury you could afford and that is what matters the most.

Cravings. Needs.

2010-12-23T22:34:00.002+11:00

I have discovered myself in a very strange nature that recently I am so eager to have a girlfriend. Very interested in getting close to a woman and plunge into a relationship and commitments. I even thought of some plans in the future shall a deal is sealed.

Then this evening I remember about 3 weeks ago, I saw Ms. Meru. I was sitting in the bus and she was running after it with a gigantic luggage in one hand, her brown hang-bag on the other, and having a huge back pack dangling on her back. Trying to be a gentleman and superman at the same time, I rushed to the bus rolling door and helped her with all her massive luggage and bags. She was going back to Indonesia that sunny Monday.

I do not understand but it felt so good. After about 4 months not having a single decent conversation, we finally talked in the bus. She was as cheerful as ever, radiant, and bubbly. The sun light was showering her face as she covered her eyes and smile.

Down in the city then I carried her big back pack and helped her pull that giant luggage down to the subway,up onto the train, and hugged her goodbye. I swear it felt so good helping her, talking to her again. But back then I have no idea what that good feeling was all about.

But apparently I just miss being relied on. Being a someone for somebody to be there for. Or even to be useful and be able to deem myself as needed. That is just what a man would need.

And now I miss that. I crave for it really. Down the train station, helping out with luggages.

2010-12-22T21:57:00.002+11:00

RUN CHRISTOPHER, RUN.

Comfortable?

2010-11-29T21:24:00.002+11:00

Some times I feel that breaking up with you is the silliest the biggest mistake I have ever to deal with. After a full year of 'I am OK' state, I finally found out, I want you back.

I love you, grey sweat pants. No make up. So perfect.

And if ever you get to read this, yes it is you. I miss you and I really do. I miss the way you bit the straw when you were drinking. I miss your Escada smell in my car. I miss having the rest of your food when you were full. I miss picking you up so I could jammed 3 hours in some traffic with you. I miss how annoying your voice could be. And I miss having you as a thought of my future. Oh what have I been missing this whole year. I miss you Wanda Rovina.

The Windows

2010-11-23T20:23:00.002+11:00

Right out the window, I see more windows. Ten-storey buildings aged approximately two decades stand there, deciphering their forgotten class and glory.

Looking up above those buildings is the bright blue sky, dashed with cotton white clouds. As fluffy as some cluster of fairy flosses.

Down the road was just an ordinary bustling business district. Suited up pedestrians swarming in every direction with a constant Sydney-like high pace. Hurry is the code of ethic. They wear this tag of any common Sydney working class.

"Look down and it is ordinary. But if you look up, fine art buildings."

That was from the movie '500 Days of Summer'. I had never realised it is true. I plugged in The Temper Trap and started to look up to the city sky high city lines, it was there, fine art buildings. Some architectural brilliance. Beyond cement and concrete classiquets, forgotten in the hustle and bustle of the human race.

Defying The Romantic Urban Rules

2010-11-21T16:04:00.002+11:00

I have never made love to any body. I have never cuddled. I have never caressed. I have never kissed. I have never ran my hair through a girl's angelic hair. I have never touched a lady.

I cherish and treat them as 'The Precious', keeping my selfish urge until the vow comes. So ladies, yes, I am a man that defy gravity and do the no-ordinary. I love.

The Twist and The Turn

2010-11-09T20:34:00.002+11:00

Finally! After weeks of chronological entrapment called 'The Busy Period', I can take some liberty unto writing about what has been happening lately. Good news y'all! I eventually found employment, in a financial service institution (One of the major ones, thank God.). Yes, it does feel good.

10 long months of a rollercoaster ride, twisting and turning, hiking and plunging, shifting and dodging, and finally I got into the part where the it is just a cruise ride. I guess I need it after all these mind exhausting situation. Big things sure have happened. Becoming a manager and forcefully-forged into a better leader. Having to face the craving for church and the insatiable hunger for a free weekend. Everything went on for a reason I'm sure. And looking back to the last 10 months, those hard times are just paid off now. Thank God, awesome.

So yeah, Commsec is my next stop after McDonald's and I wish to dedicate myself to advance in my career with this company. It is a good company from what I have observed. I had never even have a slight hint I would land in a company as such Commsec. One of God's grace surely.

I sum up my mood this week is nothing sort but happy! Thank God again.

I Dreamed About You. Is That a Start?

2010-10-29T22:08:00.004+11:00

Currently listening to Maliq & D'Essential's 'Lil' Thing'. That song routes back to 5 years ago, when I fell in love in 2005. I listen to it again but this time it is 2010. I am falling again.

It is weird that love hits me every single time to the most unexpected person. And when it hit, I panic.

One of the realisation of my panic state is I dream about that person. Now I dreamed about her the day before yesterday. I remember we were going somewhere in Sydney, the two of us, mano y mano, no one else was tagged along. We walk to that one destination. Out of the blue she started to dangle on my untrained arm. Tight. She held me close along the way in bliss. "This must be a dream.", I thought in my dream. It felt good. (:

Then a phone call from the recruitment agency woke me up and brushed the sweet resting away. What a shame.

But I can feel it still. The dream was so vivid and I remember most of the things. She was wearing that 'her type' artsy white blouse and her favourite indigo jeans(I guess it is her favourite). The warmth she radiated, that careless gesture and hand-holding, was just adorably comforting.

Dream o dream. As I hit back to reality, I do not know how far I am standing apart to her. Could be miles away but it is probable that I am just steps away. I may dreamed a dream but I know, certainly know, I have got a crush on this young lady.

Not a Band Man

2010-10-15T01:38:00.001+11:00

I kicked my self, I swear, I kicked myself hard. It is annoying how lately I have been letting people around me down. I grow more distant with one of my best mate. I disappointed my band colleagues. My good and close friends have been leaving me out of their plans. My one and only connect group member has become a half stranger. I have no lover. Work had been keeping me from seeing my own brother that sleeps in the same room as me. What's going on? Why all these symptoms of an anti-social? Perfectly lonely.

Incentivo Ms. Wiguno

2010-10-06T19:50:00.003+11:00

In my previous posts, I have been switching from ups and downs on my life as a 22 years-old and I came across Ms. Wiguno's blog last night. I sort of know how does she feel in her sentences.

It has been 10 months since I finished uni. No signs of any finance related employment yet. Honestly depressing and discouraging, especially when your high school mates and fellow uni colleagues that went back home to Jakarta have started doing things for their career. Some even had a fly start.

And as for me, I am still working in McDonald's (which I believe I am not supposed to any more) with a slightly below OK welfare condition, thriving and fighting and hoping to get residency and the right employment. Comes good days where I can swim in vigorous fighting spirit. But also comes those days that was filled with moaning, complaining, and pathetically felt sorry for my dear life. That is life in truthful mode.

It may sound weak, but giving in probably the only way that I have not try. I kept on thinking out leaving all this and buy a ticket home, seriously. Probably finance was not my expertise and that is probably why my uni marks was not excellent at all. Probably I should not have pushed my self to Australia at all during my family's financial crunch time.

If I keep on dwelling with those thoughts I think I would have jumped of Harbour Bridge.

But during this hard time in life I have been able to see thinks in different point-of-views. I still have reasons to be grateful anyway. I learned to work harder, see greater things ahead. Today's hardship should not last forever, right? It did not kill me that's why I'm here ready for today's and tomorrow's battle. I learned to manage better. I learned to speak up. I learned patience beyond patience to endure the heartbreak from a past life love affair (refer to Oely Vvetts posts). And if I stop for a moment and see what I was back in time, I know I am much a better person now. A person that is ready for the big-cruel-world. If today is Sydney, perhaps tomorrow would be the 'Big Apple' and I am ready.

Whenever I slump, I talk and yap.

Thank God there is Ms. Tiana that listens to me every time. To have someone that listens to you and just listen is a refuge. I swear at most times it is just enough. No solutions offered, no tactics to outsmart the situation, just a still responses across the distance and that is it. A good friend indeed you will need.

And there is Jazz, my passion, my company to sooth my resting times. I sit still eyes-closed and swing to the tunes that switch around the playlist. Samba with it.

And all I am trying to say is life can be a bitch but don't bitch about it. There is always light. There is always hope and be let hard times prepare you for tomorrow. You'll never know when or how or if it is possible but you will never know if you are a hardcore fashion designer or a boutique financier or a hotel owner or a president of the Intergalatic Enterprise starship in the future.

Well it is almost time to sleep for me. Tomorrow is a 4 a.m. open shift again. Ciao.

I Think I Love

2010-09-28T22:57:00.002+10:00

I hate to admit that it is true. I have had my attention caught, again. I am learning this girl.

2010-09-19T23:46:00.001+10:00

Before I quit, I try again.

Who is this Chris Guy?

2010-09-16T21:20:00.002+10:00

I came to a point upon reflecting myself back, on life, career, character. I found it bemusing-ly surprising as I do not have a clue who this man called 'me' is. Pull 6 months back, I was a whole set of a different personality right after being promoted as a manager.

I am a little bit more negative nowadays, slightly anti-social, sensitive, a generally unhappy person. Correct me if I am wrong. I moan more than before (which I never did) and feel tired about life all the time. Less inspirational and much a demanding bloke for encouragement. I barely know myself.

I am concerned of myself. Really.

First Stop Inspiration

2010-09-15T19:59:00.004+10:00

So this is what happened before I blog my writings. I jot it down to the Littleblackbook. My secrets, my inspirations, and even infatuations are well written down in this small pocket note. I write whatever I want in it. Yeah, whatever.

p.s. And to Ms. Wiguno, I have shared my Littleblackbook with the photo taken with Ollie lol

inpromtuous.

If Only

Learning The Words

We. Men.

Is this love?

Nearly There, Am I Not?

a man's crave

Small Stuff

Down The City Streets

Perspectivo

Announcement!

citybloke/ Burgundygan, Sydney

Re:location

citybloke/ The Strand, Sydney

citybloke/ George St, Sydney

citybloke

Post Ter-absurd

23

THIS IS THE LIFE

Learning the Words

a vine life

Thing

The Early-twenties

Man Of Purpose

etc.

I Swear, She is Artsy

Maria

I Hope (:

Five Women: #4 - The Stay

Bits and Pieces of The Employment

No Plan-B Required

for now.

This is For Someone Who I Want to Know So Well

The 'Not-Done' Lines

Definition of Christopher Kristian

Chronologie.

we/miss/us.

Back to an Honest Path

Chris K Fact #4

Five Women: #3

Go Forget Your Plans

My Freedom is Here

Chris K Fact #3

1 : 1 Million

The Wait

0 To 100

The Little White Room pt.2

Cafe Times

Five Women: #2

Me(You) First Time

Commuter's Delight

Five Women: #1

Learning The Words

le·git·i·mizer

F-act up!

Athazagoraphobia Strikes

Long Hello

If There is Bad, There Will Always be Good

Panic Attack!

Chris K Fact #1

The Little White Room pt.1

Halfcrazy

Blue Sweater

I Love Fate And How He Fools My Idealism

One Way Tickets to Mars

It Is Time

Adieu Charlie Siau!

Lidya. Linda. Lucy. Cheryl. Adrienne. etc

The Reason Why When I Do The 'Ted Mosby' To a Woman Too Early

Cravings. Needs.

Comfortable?

The Windows

Defying The Romantic Urban Rules

The Twist and The Turn

I Dreamed About You. Is That a Start?

Not a Band Man

Incentivo Ms. Wiguno

I Think I Love

Who is this Chris Guy?

First Stop Inspiration